good grief.
I hate grieving. I know it is supposed to be good for you, but I still hate it. Crying just makes me feel worse. I've been grieving for a while now. It comes in heats, at random moments...I'll be thinking of something and then realize and become suddenly sad and shed a few tears. My mom's best friend died a week ago. It was sudden and unexpected. She had surgery to remove a benign mass 2 weeks before. It was a pulmonary embolism. Mary collapsed last Thursday morning, her husband Walter performed CPR, her youngest sons called 911, and their entire world turned upside down. She was an incredible woman. They fostered over 50 children together, adopted 2, and she raised 4 --Walter included. She was a mother to many, including myself and it's hard to believe that she isn't physically here anymore. I can hear her voice, see her smile, remembering all of the birthdays and family vacations together. It's hard imagining not having her here. I keeping seeing my mother reaching to call her up for their weekly phone call and then remembering that she wouldn't be there to answer the phone and then breaking down. They would talk all the time and plan Costco or Sam's trips for Fridays. Mary would call up on the house phone sometimes and say in her Queens accent, "Hey, it's Mare. Is Emily there?" 'Hey girl' was her thing. She was my second mother, I've dubbed her mamacita. She took in so many of their eldest son Sam's friends and I'm surprised that there wasn't a time where I slept on their couch. I never had the guts. Mary was the household. A part of me is afraid that when I walk into their house for the first time I am going to have a complete and utter breakdown because she was the house. She was always there hustling and bustling around, showing us this new thing they got, telling us about something or another. And her food! Man it was the best. My mom said she'll miss her delicious legit lasagna and pull apart garlic knot bread. I'll miss her ice cream cakes for birthdays. They were the bomb. She was going to help me make one for my 21st. Who else would I want to spend it with other than my crazy family and my crazy adopted family? Maybe friends, but no one else for me.
The funeral was nearly perfect. It encompassed Mary's essence. She was in the entire thing. It wasn't some service where the preacher tries to get everyone to come to Jesus, it was genuine and joyful, with the most beautiful worship. At one point, the worship director at their church said, "let's worship with Mary. Let's worship our God while Mary is worshipping Him at His feet.." or something close to it. That's awesome when you think about it. She's up there with Him and she gets to worship Him and talk with Him and walk with Him. Smiling is all that I can do when I think about it. Ugh, it's wonderful. Her body is in the Noah's Ark section at Memorial Park. It's perfect. She loves Noah's Ark, with all of the animals. It was the most beautiful day, with the sun beginning to set over the big pond, warm enough to go without a jacket, crisp fall air. It's like a playground over there. There are bronze animals, 2 of every kind. All of the kids were hanging on them and it made for great pictures. I know she had some say in that perfect, heavenly day.
She's still here. Her joy and life continue on inside each of us. There is a piece of her spirit dwelling in each of those she has touched over the years. We keep her alive in us and some day we'll share all of the ways that we knew Mary. There's a reunion of the women planned, and it's going to be awesome. She'd want us to be joyful and celebrate her life, no cry babies. She'd be all like 'Good grief! Stop crying and go out there and do something!!' Mary was always doing something for someone else and we've got to do the same. GO DO SOMETHING. I can hear her voice ringing in those words.
The funeral was nearly perfect. It encompassed Mary's essence. She was in the entire thing. It wasn't some service where the preacher tries to get everyone to come to Jesus, it was genuine and joyful, with the most beautiful worship. At one point, the worship director at their church said, "let's worship with Mary. Let's worship our God while Mary is worshipping Him at His feet.." or something close to it. That's awesome when you think about it. She's up there with Him and she gets to worship Him and talk with Him and walk with Him. Smiling is all that I can do when I think about it. Ugh, it's wonderful. Her body is in the Noah's Ark section at Memorial Park. It's perfect. She loves Noah's Ark, with all of the animals. It was the most beautiful day, with the sun beginning to set over the big pond, warm enough to go without a jacket, crisp fall air. It's like a playground over there. There are bronze animals, 2 of every kind. All of the kids were hanging on them and it made for great pictures. I know she had some say in that perfect, heavenly day.
She's still here. Her joy and life continue on inside each of us. There is a piece of her spirit dwelling in each of those she has touched over the years. We keep her alive in us and some day we'll share all of the ways that we knew Mary. There's a reunion of the women planned, and it's going to be awesome. She'd want us to be joyful and celebrate her life, no cry babies. She'd be all like 'Good grief! Stop crying and go out there and do something!!' Mary was always doing something for someone else and we've got to do the same. GO DO SOMETHING. I can hear her voice ringing in those words.
Here's to the days ahead without her physical presence. I hope they're filled with so much joy as the one's were when she was here. We can make it. We will survive. Mary's hanging out with Jesus and He's loving on her and getting a kick out of her yankee accent and sweet, southern hospitality. What a combination. Here's to Mary. Here's to good grief and 'good grief!'
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