expression.

I struggle with putting things into words. How I feel, what I am thinking, my faith, etc. I hate it. I honestly do. There are very few things in life that I hate (collard greens and the word 'hate' itself) and not being able to express myself with eloquent words is one of them. I'm currently working as a youth ministry intern/soon to be youth ministry director at an UMC, one that is very dear to my heart. I'm new at the whole making lessons that are relatable and filled with the Word, and I struggle with putting what I feel lead to share and teach and proclaim into my own words. There's one verse that I've been dwelling on...

her mouth speaks of that which fills her heart.

Luke 6.45 

I just wonder, if the mouth speaks what the heart is full of, how can I not put it into words? This isn't just something that I've struggled with in youth ministry, I've struggled through writing support letters, to explaining why exactly I am interning this coming year at Wesley, why I feel lead to be on Prayer, why I feel lead to be here at all. It's a constant struggle and I constantly wonder and pray why it is.

Back in the spring I went to the final Friday Night Encounter, which is a night of prophetic prayer, healing prayer, and intercession that lasts through the night. The Lord was shouting that I had a position to take on, an important one, that I would take on with grace, genuineness, and peace; and that I needed to take it on and know that He was there. I don't know which position this is. At the time I thought, well of course it's interning, and then later I thought it's this ministry intern position, and now I've come at the crossroads of both, hoping that I am taking on each with these things that He's asked of. And here I am struggling through forming words of these positions, of these roles, wanting answers to these questions I ask myself constantly.

Tonight we talked about living lives praiseworthy of God, focusing on Philippians 4...

rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: REJOICE! let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near. do not  be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.

finally, brother and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4.4-8 

I didn't realized this before but I think the Lord was leading me to this passage for a reason, especially verses 4 through 7 (the first paragraph). "do not be anxious about anything, but it every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ."

Lord bring me reason, Lord bring me understanding, Lord bring Your peace that passes all understanding. 

And now I find myself in Exodus with Moses, as he questions the Lord's call for Him to go to the people of Egypt..

Moses said to the Lord, "pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since You have spoken to Your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." the Lord said to him, "who gave human beings their mouths? who makes them deaf or mute? who makes them blind? is it not I, the Lord? now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say. 

Exodus 4.10-12

 Amen. Amen. Amen.

Now go, My child, and I will help you speak and will teach you what to say. Amen Jesus.

renew my heart Sweet Jesus. renew my soul. renew my trust that You lead me through these waters....

I really am the type of person who works things out on my own while explaining to others, now aren't I? Yes I do believe I am. Praise Him with all.